Oprah-ation: DVR

(Ke)  If nothing else, at least Prince Michael inherited his father's creepy facial hair.

(Kr)  Noooooooo.

(Ke)  If you watched Oprah you would know these things.  I can't be held responsible for keeping you up to date on Michael Jackson's kids.  Set.  Your.  DVR.

(Kr)  One of our DVRs isn't recording.  How can I be expected to record daily programs with one DVR?  My Datelines won't fit.

(Ke)  If they're older than 2 years, it's time to get rid of them.

(Kr)  Don't tell me how to save my Datelines!  It's all I know.

(Ke)  You are also pretty familiar with how to save 48 Hour Mystery.

(Kr)  Oh, I watch those immediately.  I'm not a novice.

Saint Emilio's Fire

(Kr)  We can agree that Charlie Sheen is super gross, right?

(Ke)  I'd be willing to add a duper to that.  I feel obligated.

(Kr)  He needs his brain washed out with soap.  And his soul.

(Ke)  I never thought I'd say this,  but I miss Emilio.

The Thousand Dollar Question

(Kr)  I have to ask you a very serious question.  A lot is riding on your answer.

(Ke)  Yes, I just peed my pants.  What else could you possibly want to know?

(Kr)  I already knew that.  You may want to sit down.  This is life altering.

(Ke)  I'm on the toilet in case it gets really bad or funny or makes me sneeze.

(Kr)  Do you think there is any chance .  . even the smallest itty bitty chance . . . that we could go to the NKOTBSB concert when they tour in 2011?

(Ke)  You already know the answer to that.  I'll get a baby sitter . . . for the baby and Joe.

(Kr)  I think we should go to Vegas and go.

(Ke)  When?

(Kr)  Ok, I don't see a Vegas date, but they're playing Staples in June.  Friday, July 1st.  Tickets range in price from $77.00-$3,772.00, so that makes sense.  Just bought tickets.  You owe me $3,000.00.

(Ke)  No problem.

(Kr)  I'll take the money in nickels and $2 bills.

(Ke)  You know I pay all my debts in Susan B Anthony dollars.

(Kr)  It's looking like it's going to be more like $7,999.00 after taxes and Ticketmaster fees.

(Ke)  Pocket change.  For someone.  Not for me.

I've Had The Time Of My Life Again

(Ke)  I have a dilemma.

(Kr)  Yes?

(Ke)  Should I watch Dirty Dancing for the third time in a month?

(Kr)  I'm ashamed of you.  Yes!  Hell yes!  And I'll just keep It's Complicated on a loop in your honor.

(Ke)  I knew I could count on you.

BDSP3L1NG

(Ke)  I feel very strongly that if you don't have access to the appropriate letters you shouldn't get personalized license plates.  Sokrmom?  Gruuvy?  Stop it!

(Kr)  Finally, a passion we both share.

Philosoph. . hiccup. . al

(Kr)  Marc and I were just discussing what a Nietzsche niche would be.  That's what too many margaritas will do.

(Ke)  Too margie manaritas.

Two Boy Bands Are Better Than One

(Kr)  Now shhhhhhh.  You're distracting me from my NKOTB/BSB mash up.

(Ke)  Ooooooohhhh.  I wants.

(Kr)  Yep.  The Jordan Knight crush is back on.  Damn!

(Ke)  Did it really ever fade?

(Kr)  The whole thing reeks of desperation yet I'm enthralled.  Except their combining their name to NKOTBSB.  And including it in a song.  Not on board.  Were they off key at times?  Yes.  Do I forgive them?  Mostly.

(Ke)  Where are you seeing this and why am I so jealous?

(Kr)  Because I'm awesome and you're bored.

(Ke)  Bored old housewife.  That's me.  Well, in three weeks when this work nonsense is finished.

(Kr)  Look it up on the internet.  It's bound to already be up there.  I've watch it twice already.

(Ke)  www.nkotbsb.reunion....again.us.gov.com

(Kr)  Oh, I see.  You're jealous so you're mocking me with fake websites.  Step 1:  Not talk to you anymore.  Step 2:.....that's all I got

(Ke)  The website's real.  It's just not live yet.  Give me a minute.  Jeesh.

(Kr)  Donnie Wahlberg isn't even remotely ashamed.  Not in the least.

(Ke)  What about the cousin who's name nobody knows or cares about?

(Kr)  You mean Johnathan?  He's the brother.  And he looks a little ashamed.

(Ke)  I'm pretty sure he's the cousin.  I really hope I'm wrong.  I hate Johnathan with a "John", even though it makes total sense.

(Kr)  You hate Johnathan with a "John"?

(Ke)  It should be Jonathan.  You thought I wrote the wrong word, didn't you?  The other "h" has no business in there.

(Kr)  I did.  To be honest you should have just said with two "H"s.  You made it awkward.  Come on NSYNC.  Get on board.

(Ke)  And what does 98 Degrees have to say about all this?

(Kr)  Nobody consulted 98 Degrees or even remembers they existed.

(Ke)  I am racking my brain and literally can't think of one 98 Degrees song.  Did they exist?

(Kr)  I can see the video.  They're on a bridge.  Or near a bridge.  Or singing about a bridge.

(Ke)  Did they jump off the bridge?  Now all I can think about is Ellen K saying "Dees Grees" when giving the weather on the Rick Dees show.

(Kr)  UGH.  You jerk.  Now that's in my head.  I hope they next person you come in contact with is a JoHnathan.  And he keeps signing things just to annoy you.

(Ke)  I wouldn't let that happen.  Ever.  I can sniff them out.   I guess I have acid reflux now.  Yay!

(Kr)  You're a mess.  I'm going to watching NKOTBSB on loop until I fade away into a slumber filled with sweet, sweet Jordan Knight Dreams. 

(Ke)  And the dogs and Joe are creating a symphony or snores.  These are the makings of a sleepless night.

(Kr)  Time to get your own place. 

(Ke)  My phone's going to die.  I'm pretty sure this conversation will kill it.  I just found a tiny suicide note.

(Kr)  Did it text it to you?

(Ke)  Don't steal my impending joke.  That shit pisses me off.

(Kr)  Did it die?

(Ke)  I saved it.  I'm kind of a hero.

(Kr)  Well, put your cape on and go to bed.  Oh, you said hero.  Not superhero.  I don't know what plain heroes wear.

(Ke)  The only pair of jeans that still fit.  Every day.

(Kr)  Seven months pregnant and you can still fit into jeans and you're complaining.  Life is so rough, skinny pregnant lady.

(Ke)  Am I an asshole?

(Kr)  No.  Just very ungrateful for not being a fat, sloppy, pregnant woman.  Asshole is strong.  Selfish jerk is more appropriate.  I don't fit into jeans from last year and guess what?  No baby.

(Ke)  Move over Johnathan. Make room for me on the ashamed bus.

(Kr)  You're the driver.

(Ke)  Ok.  I get it.  Jeesh.

(Kr)  I go night night now.

(Ke)  Me, too, if the guilt doesn't keep me awake.  Nah, I'm good.

(Kr)  You should stay up all night and think about your actions.

(Ke)  Love you, Kreets.

(Kr)  Love you, selfish jean wearing pregnant lady.

Smile High Club

(Kr)  I'm setting a record for number of medications prescribed within a two month span. 

(Ke)  What's your count? 

(Kr)  Since September:  13 if you count the ones I've been prescribed twice.  

(Ke)  Which I don't.  

Delicious And Nutritioush

(Kr)  I just ate the rest of the cranberry bread.

(Ke)  It was still good?  I bought some last week and I've been working on it.  I also made crumb cake from Trader Joe's.  That shit was gooood.

(Kr)  It was.  So many preservatives.  It almost got better.  You know when you buy macaroni salad and then you forget you bought it, and you open the fridge the next day and there it is, ready to be enjoyed?  Like a surprise party without all the yelling.  I just experienced that.  And it was the best.  I won't soon forget it.  The experience, that is.  I'm sure I'll soon forget the macaroni salad as soon as I put it back, only to be surprised again!

(Ke)  Great, now all I can think about is macaroni salad, but I'm ok with that.

(Kr)  Enjoy the fantasy.

(Ke)  There will be a stop at the grocery store on the way home.  Lunch will be macaroni salad, crumb cake and cranberry bread.

(Kr)  Don't you think that's a big ridiculous?  Without the pumpkin cream cheese?

(Ke)  I was just going to say there will be peanut M&Ms, too.  But you knew that.

The United States Postal Stork

(Kr)  Ok, so what gives?  I had my epidural and they didn't deliver a baby to me.  Is it 5-7 business days for the shipping?  I thought it was buy one epidural, get one baby delivered free.  Or do I have to complete my package of 3?

(Ke)  That offer not valid in zip codes 90000-99999.

Me Have Ouchie In Back Shot Make It Go Bye Bye Thank You Dr Friend

(Kr)  Oh, and stoned.  Real stoned.

(Ke)  Is this text missing a sentence or two?

(Kr)  Just got out of my epidural.  Feelin' a-ok.  The texts sent in the wrong order.

(Ke)  Sure they did.

(Kr)  I sleepy.

(Ke)  Does your back feel better or did you just get the epidural for the hiiiiiiiigh?

Choco-hoglet

(Ke)  There were only two pieces of candy, Milky Way minis, in the dish at my chiropractor's office.  I took both.  Unapologetically.  Shamelessly.  I had to have them.

(Kr)  It's a woman's right to choose . . . to be a pig.

Credit? Score!

(Kr)  Yes, she's sitting in my purse.

(Ke)  Keep an eye on your Macy's card.  You know that diva like to get her shop on.

(Kr)  That card be cut up.  I learned my lesson.  Leather gloves?  Come on, LaLa!

(Ke)  You didn't think you were setting her up to shop at The 99 Cent Store with a name like LaLa, did you?

(Kr)  She does like her designers.  That's fo' sho'.

(Ke)  This story is totally unbelievable.  You would never cut up your Macy's card.

(Kr)  Truth be told, I didn't cut it up.  It exploded.

Your Daly Dose

(Kr)  Carson Daly just said the dumbest thing.

(Ke)  Oh, do tell.  I'm interested in anything Carson Daly.

(Kr)  On the radio.  We aren't having drinks and apps.

(Ke)  Please don't say apps.  It really bothers me.  Take the time to use all four syllables.

(Kr)  Why else would I say apps, if not to bother you?  And if I'm with Carson Daly, they're apps.

(Ke)  No, I know why you're doing it.

(Kr)  He said "and finally, but certainly not last".  He needs a little talking-to about how that saying goes.

(Ke)  I don't want to have to talk to him.  Do I have to?

(Kr)  Let's get Joe to do it.

(Ke)  He'd be happy to.  Huge Carson Daly fan.  Huge.

(Kr)  Is it because he was conceived during TRL?  Pssst . . . that was a joke about him being so young.

(Ke)  He's old at heart.

Anesthetically Speaking

(Kr)  I'm going to text you immediately after my epidural on Thursday.  That anesthetic should make for some entertaining your-back-to-my-forth.

(Ke)  I love drugged up Kreets.  Soooooo much better than regular Kreets.

Food Pyramid Scheme

(Kr)  I literally shouldn't be allowed to have ice cream on the premises.  It becomes a major food group.

(Ke)  A balanced diet is overrated.

Just Kid(nap)ping Around

(Ke)  Hey.

(Kr)  Hey back.

(Ke)  Did you know that I'm going to be the Mommy and you're going to be the Auntie?

(Kr)  Yeppers.  Well, before the kidnapping.

(Ke)  The titles will be the same, but we'll never talk to you again because, you know, you'll be rotting away in jail.

(Kr)  Not if you don't find me.

(Ke)  This will put a bit of a strain on our relationship.  You should know that straight out of the gate.

(Kr)  Don't care.  I'll have your . . . ummmm . . . my baby.

Target Acquired

(Kr)  We are definitely not at Target.  Again.

(Ke)  What are you not getting?

(Kr)  What are we not getting?  Two words.  Fluffy.  Pillows.

(Ke)  That's ok.  I already did more damage to my neck than I thought humanly possible last night.  You can't hurt me.

(Kr)  Didn't even realize you wrote "not getting".  I pre-joked your joke.

(Ke)  You mean . . . you actually . . . oh boy!

(Kr)  Decorative.  Should have been three words.  But I do have a new pillow for you to sleep on.  With just a liiiittle bit of Hammer melty bone puke on it.

CSI Burbank

(Ke)  Did you go to dinner?

(Kr)  Yep.  Mexican.  Drunk.  By accident

(Ke)  I'm watching The Blair Witch Project.  Good idea?

(Kr)  It has the word project in it, right?

(Ke)  Project No Sleep

(Kr)  Hammer threw up on Marc's pillow.  It's his way of telling him to never sleep again.

(Ke)  Did he accidentally get drunk, too?

(Kr)  Drunk on compressed tendon bones.  It looked like melted bones.  Something out of CSI Miami, but way less lame.  And sun-glassy.

(Ke)  Yum?

(Kr)  And Marc is allergic to the spray we used to clean it.  Ay yi yi! What a mess.

(Ke)  I'll be right there with him.  My nose is so plugged.  Oh boy, meanwhile Joe is snoring like a baby.

Almost As Lame As Cool Beans

(Ke)  What doing?

(Kr)  Paying bills.  I hate it.

(Ke)  It's pretty early for that, isn't it?

(Kr)  Oh, it's never too early to spend money.

(Ke)  Yeah, on fun stuff, but paying bills is an afternoon activity.

(Kr)  I'm using today for all non-fun stuff.  It is hump day, after all.

(Ke)  Oh, boy.  You're one of those?

(Kr)  I've become one of those.  Love it or leave it.  It's the new me.

(Ke)  If I hear one TGIF, complaint about Mondays, or reference to Sunday as "Funday", we will have problems.

(Kr)  It's not that out of control.  Yet.

(Ke)  That sounds vaguely like a threat.

Rosé (Wine) Colored Glasses

(Ke)  Joe's taken to drinking the rosé.  Hard.

(Kr)  Uh oh.

(Ke)  He's polished off more than half a bottle in two days.  I'm concerned for many reasons.

(Kr)  Novice.  He's drinking like a sober man, rosé or not.

(Ke)  It's only a two-day-old habit.  Give him time.

Miss Managing Time

(Ke)  What are you doing, anyways?

(Kr)  Oh, just making a grocery list.  Enjoying my bonus time.

(Ke)  Bonus time is for fun.  You're blowing it.

(Kr)  I need a bonus time manager.

(Ke)  I'm for hire.

How (Pil)low Can Ya Go?

(Kr)  We went to Target.  Again.

(Ke)  Get anything good?

(Kr)  Pillows.  Glasses.  Toilet paper.  Shower head.  Grown-up stuff.

(Ke)  Booooooriiiiiing.  Except the pillows.  I'll need one when I visit.

(Kr)  These are decorative pillows.  Keep your grubby head off.

(Ke)  That's ok.  I'll just prop up my head on my hair somehow.  My neck is of no concern to you.  As long as your couch looks inviting.

(Kr)  Now you're getting it.

UFO: Unidentified Fridge Occupant

(Ke)  I'm cleaning out my fridge and found two containers holding seemingly identical white goop.  What the hell am I eating?

(Kr)  Taste it!  Taste it!  Please taste it.

(Ke)  Tasting it is not an option.

Crushed Ice

(Kr)  I accidentally got a crush on Vanilla Ice.

(Ke)  It happens.  Now back off.

(Kr)  Let's let him choose.

(Ke)  Ok. Let me roll over and ask him.  Oh, wow.  That was unexpected.  I guess he's all yours.

Prequel Unnecessary

(Ke)  What doing?

(Kr)  Watching Iron Man 2.

(Ke)  Is it any good?

(Kr)  It's as good as it can be without me seeing Iron Man.

(Ke)  But Robert Downey Jr. is in it.  Just focus on that.

(Kr)  I'm pretty focused . . . on tight Iron Man buns.

Living In The Lap Pool Of Luxury

(Kr)  Where are you?  Having a life?

(Ke)  Sorry, the dry wall guys were here.

(Kr)  They ruin everything.  Except walls.

(Ke)  Let's hope so.  The pool talk is back on.

(Kr)  I'm on Team Pool.  And Team Edward, for that matter.

(Ke)  They go hand in hand.  Are you Team Fiberglass or Concrete?

(Kr)  Hmmmm....dunno.  Whichever is cool and hip.  That's all I like.

(Ke)  You're clearly the authority.

Pledging Alpha Keepa Trasha

(Ke)  Joe is cleaning out the office and keeps wanting to display everything he finds in boxes.  Right now he's moping around because I didn't want to put Pepsi and 7up bottles full of seashells and sand from Mexico in the living room.  I've never seen him so down.  I had to remind him we don't live in a frat house.

(Kr)  I feel bad for him.  Can't you see how much those shells mean to him; boxed away for years, forgotten about?  But simultaneously Joe always had a passion for displaying them.  He just didn't know it until right now.   You're smashing his dream he didn't know he had.

(Ke)  That is exactly what I told him.  Needless to say, the sand is now in our backyard and the bottles in the recycling . . . with his heart.  Now he's singing John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt.  That's a sign of full recovery.

(Kr)  It could be a trick.  He's crafty.

(Ke)  Now he's looking through a box containing booklets and CDs telling him how to make millions in real estate.  The plastic is still on everything.  Didn't even crack it.

(Kr)  Guess you won't be rich.  Unless . . .

(Ke)  It's already packed back up and in the closet.

Compulsive Obsesserizing

(Ke)  Where'd you go?

(Kr)  Sorry.  In the middle of a project.  I'll tell you what it is if you don't judge me.

(Ke)  I only judge the use of the word "project".

(Kr)  It is, indeed, a project.  More in  a minute.

Minutes later . . .


(Kr)  I'm color coordinating my scarves.  And they look faaaaaabulooooous.

(Ke)  Ssssshhh . . . my scarves would get very jealous if they knew that.  They might try to tie me up and strangle me in the middle of the night.

(Kr)  I'm not a proponent of segregation, but this looks reeeeal good.

(Ke)  What kind of message are you sending your socks?  Or your underwear for that matter?

(Kr)  Look, my scarves were a jumbled mess.  They had anxiety.  I couldn't stand by and watch that.  Now I'm off to happy hour to get buzzed so I can organize the rest of my closet.

(Ke)  Let's see this work of art.

(Kr)  When I get back home.

(Ke)  Where are you going?  Are you taking one of the little guys?

(Kr)  Across the street.  I forgot a scarf here last time, so I had a buddy waiting.  Gotta pay attention to Marc now or he'll beat me.

(Ke)  I don't get the pattern.  It's very confusing.

(Kr) I can't take a picture from the front.  My closet doors won't cooperate.

(Ke)  I guess you went ahead and ripped the doors off.  It was worth it.

Ghost With The Most Manners

(Kr)  Our toilet keeps flushing itself.  If we have a ghost, I gotta say, kind of a lame haunting technique.

(Ke)  Maybe it's using the toilet.  That sounds courteous.

(Kr)  Is it pitching in for toilet paper?  The water bill?

(Ke)  Now you sound ridiculous.

Dairycising

(Ke)  I stopped by Circle K on my walk and picked up two 1-quart bottles of milk.  I thought why not, and did some curls on my way home.  I actually used groceries as dumbbells.  How Sit and be Fit am I?

(Kr)  I'm at a loss.

You Can't Make-Up This Stuff

(Kr)  I highly recommend Cover Girl Smokey Shadow Blast in copper.  It gives you a quick beauty every girl desires.  I think they should start an off-shoot of Cover Girl and call it Cover Lady.  And they should just sell brown mascara, pancake make-up, and lip moisturizer.  Not gloss.  Just moisturizer.

(Ke)  My lips would love it.  And Maybelline should be Absolutelline.  I don't want any hints of iffy-ness in my make-up.

(Kr)  Their slogan is insulting.  "Maybe she's born with it"?  Born with shimmer eyeshadow?  Sounds like a birth defect.  Maybe she's born with it, and maybe she should seek medical attention immediately.

(Ke)  Why doesn't she just say?  She knows.  Just be honest.

(Kr)  We should start a foundation for these poor girls who are "born with it".  Haven't they suffered enough?  Let's stop the taunting, Maybelline!  It's just cruel!

(Ke)   I think there is a foundation.  It's called modeling.

(Kr)  You took my joke, you bitch.  I hope your baby is "born with it".  It'll serve you right to have a gorgeous baby with shimmery eyes.

Swift Judgment

(Kr)  I had a dream the other night that I was working at the MTV Video Music Awards.  And I was backstage with Taylor Swift when she had to start singing.  She forgot the words and handed me the mic to cover.  I didn't know the words.  She got really mad at me and threw a fit.  And that's the story of how I came to dislike Taylor Swift for absolutely no reason.

(Ke)  You don't have any other reason not to like Taylor Swift?  Come on.  Think.

Autobiopicography

(Kr)  Toward the top of my hike, I was faced with a dilemma:  reach the water tower or not pee my pants.

(Ke)  Just pee behind the water tower.

(Kr)  You'll have to read my memoirs to find out what happened.

(Ke)  I don't read.  Will it be a movie?

(Kr)  It may be, but a Lifetime movie.

(Ke)  Is there any other kind?

(Kr)  Not that I'm aware of.  And not that I care about.  I'm hoping Heather Locklear will play me.  If she keeps hacking at her face, that is.

(Ke)  Ah, yes, the Lock-ness Monster.

(Kr)  You just named her memoirs.  She'd better thank you in the forward.

(Ke)  And in the backward.

Sears-iously Extreme

(Ke)  What doing?

(Kr)  Anne just left.  Watching Glee.

(Ke)  So you're sauced up.

(Kr)  Maybe.

(Ke)  How very Sears portrait of you.

(Kr)  It's like a tiny, tiny Sears in here.

(Ke)  Marc's like your very own Ty Pennington.

(Kr)  Great!  Now I can't look at him.

(Ke)  Can you imagine having your very own Ty Pennington?  It would be so intense all the time!

(Kr)  It's giving me a panic attack.

(Ke)  Ok. I'll stop for a quick 8 hour nap.  Love you.

(Kr)  Eight hour?  Rookie.

(Ke)  It'll be followed by a 2 hour post-nap nap.

(Kr)  Thata girl.

Hollow(een) Gut

(Ke)  We just bought a shitload of candy.  Guess how many trick or treaters we'll get tonight.

(Kr)  5 zillion

(Ke)  I feel like you're not taking this seriously.

(Kr)  Ok.  3?

(Ke)  I'll let you know.  The night is still young...or it's over and we had zero.

(Kr)  Start binging.

(Ke)  I will as soon as I find out what that is.

(Kr)  Binging?  Shove your face full o' Kit Kat.

(Ke)  Hahahaha.  I was reading it bing-ing.  Oh boy.  I'm a binger from waaaaay back.  I've already had 3 pieces.  Don't think I chose candy I wouldn't want for leftovers.  Already had 3, by the way: Darth Vader, a princess, and what appeared to be a pile of garbage.

(Kr)  I thought I was getting a post-trick or treaters shot.

(Ke)  Oh, we ain't eeeeeeeven done yet.

(Kr)  I need to see Joe's hand next to the bowl to get an accurate read.

(Ke)  I'll send one.  I'm so tired of not being able to breathe through my nose I'm going to strangle someone then use an ax to chop off all his extremities.  That's allowed on Halloween, right?

(Kr)  It's encouraged.

(Ke)  My nose is literally bleeding it's so dry.  Very scary.

(Kr)  Geesh.

(Ke)  My costume is bloody nose girl.  I'm not going to win any contests but it's unique and authentic.

(Kr)  We just made tacos and fried our own tortillas.  We are going to win contests.  In your face!!!

(Ke)  Please don't make my face feel worse.

(Kr)  If my awesome tacos hurt your face, that's on you.

(Ke)  I think it's come to an end.  We had about 20 or 22.

(Kr)  Now just shut the lights off and eat your way to a candy coma.

(Ke)  If you insist.

(Kr)  I'm in a taco-ma.

(Ke)  I've had a lot of Milky Ways.  I'm feeling pretty spacey......no good?

(Kr)  Ba dum bum.

Get Out Of My Face-Book!

(Kr)  When people start Facebook posts with "let's see how many of you are paying attention", I immediately tune out.  And it's usually followed by some question about them.  Pay attention!  Tell me about me!!

(Ke)  I also hate the ones that say "90% of you won't be brave enough to repost this" and it's about how they are strong women aka bitches.  I don't need to be guilted into telling people that.  They can figure it out in their own time.

Gore-geous

(Kr)  What doing?

(Ke)  Just got home from happy hour.  What you doing?

(Kr)  Oh, just painting my nails purple over a layer of black.  Out of nail polish remover.  It's high class over here.

(Ke)  I will need a picture of that.  Have you had a few vinos?

(Kr)  Just a few.  It looks amazing-ish.  Take my word for it.

(Ke)  I can't do that.

(Kr)

Every picture I take makes my hand look creepy.

(Ke)  Well, you have a case of creepy hand.  Don't be ashamed.

(Kr)  It's going to murder your face...but look faaaaaabulous doing it.

(Ke)  You should make a Halloween costume around that hand.

(Kr)  Purple Pie Man.  Or Prince.

(Ke)  Purple Pie Prince.  Or Purple Prince Man.

(Kr)  Or creepy purple nail lady with no polish remover.  That's frightening.

(Ke)  I just got chills.  Thanks in advance for the nightmares.

(Kr)  I always pre-order my night terrors.  I have an iPhone app for it.  I may just amputate my hands in lieu of getting polish remover.  We have knives here.  Don't have to go to the store.

(Ke)  Don't get drastic.  Do you have pliers?  Just pull those suckers out.

(Kr)  Genius!!

(Ke)  I could talk about your nails and laziness all night but beddie bye is calling.

(Kr)  I heard that, homegirl.  Sorry about that.

(Ke)  I'm pretty forgiving but I do not accept.....ok, I reconsidered.

(Kr)  You're swell, Beave.

(Ke)  Keep digging.  Love you.

(Kr)  Love you.

Mon-dane, Mon-dane

(Ke)  What doing?

(Kr)  Works.  You?

(Ke)  Paying bills and picking out paint colors.

(Kr)  Are you trying to out-bore me?

(Ke)  How did you know?

(Kr)  It was the bill paying that tipped me off.

(Ke)  Ah, pretty obvious on my part.