Mommy Beerest

(Ke)  Bronx picked up a bottle opener and asked what it was. I told him a bottle opener and he said, "Oh, to open your beer?". So....

(Kr)  What the hell is happening over there? Did he completely forget about wine?

(Ke)  I tried to think of other things to use a bottle opener for and I couldn't. I just couldn't. 

Seasonal Affective Drink Order

(Ke)  

The cold drip from the lid of a hot drink. It sends chills up my spine. It must have a name. 

(Kr)  Cocoa sweat: The result of a delusional Phoenix resident having a hot chocolate in 85 degree "winter". 

(Ke) Hmmmm...Funny, that resembles a passive aggressive judgment, almost like you're implying the drip is somehow warranted. You bes' mind your business. 

(Kr)  You're mistaken. It's strictly an aggressive judgement. January or not, that cocoa gon' sweat. 

(Ke)  Oh, I don't get to be festive because global warming is a dick?!

Collective Brain Power Outage

(Kr)  

(Ke)  Sometimes a good mental pause is recommended before hitting send.

(Kr)  Probably related to this inquiring mind: 

(Ke)  My guess is just a few more than the author. 

Lady Cheek Boners

(Kr)   Is Daniel Dae Kim serious with those cheekbones?  They're absolute insanity.

(Ke)  God, I hope so. You're not watching Hawaii Five-0 though, right? 

(Kr)  It came on after Undercover Boss...I'm not helping my case, am I?

(Ke)  It was an unnecessary admission. A bit of a cry for help. 

(Kr)  Are you having a CBS Friday night programming intervention with me?  If so, yes to rehab. 

(Ke)  Your bags are packed. We'll leave right after Blue Bloods. 

Protect Your Cracks

(Ke)

Practicing safe brushing? 

(Kr)  What is that grossness? I'm pro non-gadgets and free brushing, man. 

(Ke)  Your Sonicare doesn't wear a condom? It's 2014! If you get gunky discharge in your crevasses don't come crying to me. 

Cursing Up A Blue Streak

(Kr)  I was just on the phone with a representative from Blue Cross expressing my insurance frustrations. 

Me: "Pardon my French, but this whole thing is bullshit."  

Her:  "Oh no. It's fucking bullshit."

I like her. 

(Ke)  Damn! She called your bullshit and raised you a fucking. She obviously took French 102.

(Kr)  It is, after all, the language of health care.

(Ke)  Have you met your $5000 oh you be defucktible?

(Kr)  If I'm shot by a crossbow while rear ending a semi hauling flammable gas, I should just about get there. 

Impending Resolution

(Kr)


 This says it all.

(Ke)  It says there's a hangover behind that wink.

(Kr)   If you could smell my hair right now, it would tell you the tales.