Cream Brûlée

(Ke)  I finally did it:  I bought a Yankee candle.  Not even the seasonal one on sale.

(Kr)  Oooooh.  You're like an adult and junk.  What's she smell like?  Is it really worth the hype?  Am I really this curious?

(Ke)  Vanilla icing.  I can't smell great which makes it not a perfect time to pick out a scented candle.  Bronx seems to approve.

(Kr)  A.  That was a terribly worded sentence.  Maybe the worst.
         B.  Is this about the Febreze?  You just couldn't handle my house smelling all cranberry and frosty.  You just had to one-up me.  Well, touché.  I said touché, sir!  I'll probably just buy a can of vanilla frosting and light it on fire.  Same dif.   Take that Yankee candles!!  Mwahahahahahaha . . . coughcoughcough  . . . being menacing is so hard on the throat and lungs.

(Ke)  That's not what you would do with a can of frosting.  Get real already.  Yankee candle isn't easily intimidated, just so you know.  Save your breath.

(Kr)  I'll need it to blow out that burning can of frosting.

Febreally Strange

(Kr)
 
When it comes to scents that nobody anywhere in the world ever has actually smelled,  Febreze nails it. 

(Ke)  There should be a Jack in there for, you know, Christmas.

(Kr)  Jack spreading his scent?  As in phermones?  Breath?  Blood?   What are we talkin' here?  Frostbite I can see.  That seems like it would have a very distinct odor.  Frostbite and pine just says "holidays" to me, ya know.  Call me old fashioned . . .

(Ke)  I say If you're gonna go frost, you may as well take it to the top and go Jack.  His blood is fine.  Make guests wonder.

(Kr)


Reading the Wikipedia description, I'd say it's pretty accurate.  Murderous sprite with just a hint of cranberry.  Dead on.  Febreze:  No Scent Is Too Vague.

(Ke)  They made this, yet I can't find the pet allergen one anymore.  Priorities.

Santa Baby

(Ke)   

Zolly has arrived.  Sorry I didn't give you a heads up. 

(Kr)  That's cool.  Saves me a trip to Phoenix.  PS. Your daughter is givin' me the creeps. 

(Ke)  I was just going to ask if you wanted her.  She's not really my cup of tea.  

(Kr)  Ummmmmmmmm no thanks. 

(Ke)  She said she loves you.  

(Kr)  It's a love I can do without. 

(Ke)  I'll tell her.  She'll be ok.  One day. 

Japanese Roulette

(Kr)  Eating airport sushi.  Is praying still a thing?  Oh, and I've made a very important decision.

(Ke)  Whatever gets you through.

(Kr)  It's three years in the making.  I don't think I've ever weighed a subject so heavily.

(Ke)  Yeeees?

(Kr)  Team Edward.

(Ke)  Bold statement.

(Kr)  Already regretting that tuna roll.

Potty Shoes

(Ke)  We got Bronx a potty and tried to get him to sit down with a good book this morning.  He was already pretty crabby so he ran out of the bathroom and within five seconds peed on my shoes in the living room.  So close.

(Kr)  Maybe it's because I wrote "pee in mommy's shoes" in every page of every one of his books.