(Kr) Watching the Grammys?
(Ke) After Justin Bieber and Usher performed, Joe looked at me, gave me a nod of approval, and said, "The Bieb sure can dance."
(Kr) Why is he feigning disinterest? I know he's been a fan. I just know it.
(Ke) Oh, he wasn't. He's into it.
(Kr) I've never actually known anyone with Bieber Fever before. He should see about getting a vaccination while he's at the hospital.
(Joe) I don't want a vaccination.
(Kr) How about an exorcism?
(Joe) You should find a cure for thinking creepy old washed up musicians are sexy disease.
(Ke) Sorry, he just takes my phone.
(Kr) John Taylor is hot. Period. Deal with it. He's so passionate about the Biebs.
(Joe) Don't post this to your blog because you will lose followers.
(Ke) It's me again. I don't think there's a danger in that and, yes, his passion runs deep.
(Kr) Get to the psych ward now.
(Ke) Jaden Smith definitely deserves to be performing at the Grammys.
(Kr) Definitely. He's worked so hard. At annoying the shit out of me.
(Ke) Bob Dylan needs a lozenge.
(Kr) Since birth.
(Ke) Sometimes it's time to bow out gracefully. He missed that chance about 30 years ago.
(Kr) Grammys aren't on here yet.
(Ke) Oh, shit. Sorry about that. I guess I ruined it. Or gave you a warning: Bob Dylan performs. He's unreasonably horrible.
(Kr) How is Jakob Dylan so dreamy?
(Ke) How's got a few good years but that Bob is creeping in.
(Kr) Christina Aguilera is turning into Stevie Nicks in all the wrong ways.
(Ke) If she busts out the flowing scarfs the transformation will be complete. My crush on Eminem is back and deep as ever.
(Kr) I just want Jennifer Hudson to stop yelling at me.
(Ke) She can yell at me all day long as long as she doesn't act again.
(Kr) Hallelujah, girlfriend. Sorry, that's sister girlfriend.
(Ke) I was going to say. Can't I just enjoy a Grammy Awards without having to listen to Ellen K?
(Kr) Nope. It's in the Constitution. What was Ricky Martin wearing? Cellophane pants are for the bedroom, Rick.
(Ke) I haven't seen him. Now I have something to look forward to.
(Kr) He introduced Lady GaGa.
(Ke) Ah, I missed it. Thank god for DVRs. That Matthew Morrison segment feels like an SNL sketch. A reeeeeal awkward one.
(Kr) You're way ahead of me.
(Ke) I know. Just preparing you for embarrassment. You'll have time to finish that sweater you've been trying to knit during Mick Jagger's performance.
(Kr) Ugh. A self-serving performance?
(Ke) I have no idea. I tuned out. Joe "doesn't care for Streisand".
(Kr) No straight man does.
(Ke) What's it going to take to get Eminem to smile?
(Kr) Tickle time?
(Ke) I think the tickler would get punched. Please don't do bits, Jennifer Lopez and Mark Anthony.
(Kr) Please don't do anything, Jennifer Lopez and Mark Anthony.
(Ke) Puff Daddy jumped on the gold teef wagon about 10 years after the fact.
(Kr) The peacock outfit Cee Lo rocked was so slimming.
(Ke) Sadly, I think it was. Gwyneth Paltrow has won me over.
(Kr) Oh, snap! I thought that was a Muppet.
(Ke) I thought it was Ke$ha at first. I would have been relieved to find out it was a Muppet.
(Kr) I'm absolutely John Mayer is moonlighting as a pirate. Absolutely positive. I'm not absolutely John Mayer or I'd be a rich bastard.
(Ke) And a serious asshole. Mommy go night night. Love you.
(Kr) Love you.
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