Splatula

(Ke)  I told Joe if he kills two flies I'd give him a treat but I have to see corpses.  So this is sitting in the kitchen.

(Kr)  What's the treat?

(Ke)  I don't know.  I just said it.  Nothing if he doesn't get that second fly.

(Kr)  A treat promise without a treat in mind?  Dangerous territory.

(Ke)  The fly is eluding him hardcore.  I'm not worried.

(Kr)  He's a samurai with ninja focus.  I'd get to thinkin' on that treat.

(Ke)  He is not asleep on the couch.  Again, not worried.  Shit!  He just woke up and apparently the fly fell asleep.

(Kr)  Reversal!  Classic Joe.

(Ke)  He was so focused straight out the gate.

(Kr)  He.  Will.  Get.  That.  Fly.

(Ke)  The deed is done.  The carcass is in the garbage.  And we are now down one spatula.  I will never use that thing again.

U2 Look A Lot Alike

(Kr)  Go ahead.  Look up pictures of Bono without sunglasses.

(Ke)  Pin dot eyes?

(Kr)  It's just middle aged manville.

(Ke)  It's Robin Williams.

(Kr)  Spot on.

(Ke)  I have wondered why I've never seen them together.

Orange You Glad It's Just A Dream

(Kr)  I had a dream last night that Bronx was walking and talking but still looked like he does now.  The next part is either adorable or frightening:  he was wearing an orange jumpsuit.  But it was hooded, so I don't think it means he grows up to do hard time.  Just soft hooded time.

(Ke)  It's frightening because I don't think his skin tone can support orange.  I would like to know what his voice sounded like.  Was he bow legged?  Pigeon toed?

(Kr)  He was just a joy.  A real treat.  For realsies, he was super cute.  He was holding my hand so....

(Ke)  You're not taking him!

(Kr)  Fine!

False Idol

(Ke)  Baby lock them doors and turn the lights down low.

(Kr)  I don't get what the picture has to do with anything ever, but good for Joe and his manliness.

(Ke)  That's his Scotty McCreery impression.  Get to watching Idol!  This is embarrassing.

(Kr)  It is quite embarrassing.

(Ke)  You would be laughing your ass off if you didn't suck so bad.

(Kr)  I've seen the McCreery hold.

(Ke)  Perhaps a video would have done it more justice.  Joe has now used the following items as a microphone during his Scotty McCreery impression:  a comb, Bronx's toy giraffe, my body pillow, and Bug.  Everyone should get to live with Joe.

(Kr)  I would like to see photographic evidence.

(Ke)  I don't know why I would make that up but we're in bed now.  Tomorrow.

Now You're Just Being Fusilli

(Ke)  I was in the shower and literally said out loud, "ooooh, my leftovers" when I remembered I had pasta in the fridge from last night.

(Kr)  Left over pasta always warrants a shower shout out.

(Ke)  It really put a smile on my previously unexcited-about-lunch face.

(Kr)  I had the same pasta excitement yesterday.

(Ke)  Yoooou diiiiid?  What was so great about your pasta?

(Kr)  Blackened chicken pasta.  It didn't disappoint the second time around.

(Ke)  Pardon me, but I'm assuming you didn't make that.

(Kr)  You do assume like a champ.

(Ke)  It's one of my finest qualities.  It never gets me into trouble.

Dental, Damn

(Kr)  What doing?

(Ke)  Getting ready for the dentist.

(Kr)  Oy.  Well, text me after.

(Ke)  He's going to pull all of Bronx's teeth to the surface to bypass that whole teething nonsense.

(Kr)  Sounds logical and safe.

(Ke)  It's progressive.  You don't understand.

(Kr)  A 4 month old with a full set of teeth.  I smell toothpaste contract.

(Ke)  I'm gonna get some gold on them teef.  I sense his inner rapper.

(Kr)  If you get his adolescent teeth capped with gold, it's instant tooth fairy when those suckers fall out.

(Ke)  Anything that eliminates work on my part is a good idea.  Although, I hope he doesn't lose his adolescent teeth.

(Kr)  Baby teeth, adolescent teeth.  Whatevs.  He may not lose any until he hits puberty.  You don't know.

(Ke)  Big dif.  Although it would be cool to get three sets of teeth.  It may eliminate the need for braces.  If his second set comes in crooked, it's cool.  He'll get another one in a few years.  He does look pretty cute toothless now.  Too bad that doesn't translate well into adulthood.

(Kr)  Or maybe he'll lose his adult teeth and you can get him some gold dentures.

(Ke)  He can buy his own teeth at that point.  My teeth buying responsibilities end when he turns 18.

The Crying Game

(Kr)  Sure do miss ya.  How's Bronxabillion?

(Ke)  He's sleeping.  We're playing a game with friends.  Miss you.

(Kr)  What game?  What friends?  No fair.

(Ke)  Bezzerwizzer.  Fun.

(Kr)  Sounds fake.  That's fine.  Play your fake game.

(Ke)  It's real.  And I'm really losing.