Slim-Slow

(Ke) I just had a shake and a senseless dinner for lunch.

(Kr) Their would be no diet without die.

(Ke) That'd be like burgers without fries or ice cream without chocolate sauce. And whipped cream. And a gooey brownie. Ok, I get what you're saying.

Dissociative Skin Identity Disorder

(Ke)



So I've finally come to terms with my age. Yet I'm still using products to prevent breakouts. Going through never ending puberty with crows feet is confusing.

(Kr) Maybe they're teenage crows.

The Candy Woman Can

(Ke) I just convinced Bronx to do his breathing treatment by giving him "candy", which is Claritin and prednisone. FBI, I'm ready for that negotiator job.

(Kr) Should I admire or fear you?

(Ke) A healthy amount of both wouldn't be beyond the realm of appropriate.

Scent Of Half A Woman

(Kr)

Staring down the barrel of a broken deodorant with one pit to go. In a bit of a 127 Hours situation. 

(Ke)  Just be sure to stand/sit next to people deodorized side in. Not an issue. 

(Kr)  You're the Swiss Army knife of sisters. 

Semen Sermon

(Kr) Hey, ready for Obnoxious Twin Questions: Baby Edition?

(Ke) I have been waiting.

(Kr) "So, do you want a baby now because your sister has one?" Yes! Of course I base all my major life choices on a No-fair!-Keleigh-has-one! philosophy.

(Ke) Copy cattin' your way through life. Makes sense.

(Kr) I love unsolicited advice. Hey stranger, when you ask if I have kids and I say not yet, don't tell me I'd better get started. You get started. Minding your own reproductive business. Also, don't ask if we're "trying." If I wanted you to know about my sex life, I'd do porn.

(Ke) Consider porn just to get people off your back. Plus extra money will be nice. You know, for your kids.

A Buncha Lunch

(Ke) 100 jump ropes, 20 dumbbell presses 20 lunches, 15 curls. Next round 200, 25, 25, 20. Next round: 300, 30, 30, 25. Finished with some double unders and sit ups. Followed by puking because that was too many lunches. Do lunges instead.

(Kr) If there's a bulk lunch option, I'm skipping the other rigmarole.

Pixel Cut

(Ke)  How do I ask for this hair without sounding crazy?

(Kr)  Totally sane and chic to look like an animated movie character.

(Ke)  A video game character WITHIN an animated movie.  Doubly hip.

(Kr)  Bad news.  You're going to lose 10 chic points for using the phrase doubly hip.  That's gotta sting.

(Ke)  That's fine.  I have regenerative powers with my new hair so that makes up for any lost chic points.  I just lost more points, didn't I?

(Kr)  If you have to ask . . .