A Clean Getaway

(Ke) This happened while I was in the shower.

(Kr)  That's it.  No more showers.

And The Award For Most Clueless Goes To....

(Kr)  So I walk into the bathroom at my audition and there's a girl rehearsing her lines in the mirror.  She looks at me like I'm nuts for invading her space.

(Ke)  Apologize and tell her you didn't see the star on the door.

(Kr)  How about I smack her on the crotch and tell her to get real.

(Ke)  You're doing a lot of crotch smacking today.

(Kr)  What's a week without beating up dumb lady parts?

(Ke)  And it's only Tuesday.

(Kr)  I probably won't have time later in the week.

(Ke)  You better get it all in now.

Sterilize With Alcohol

(Ke)  I wish I would have noticed the dishwasher didn't work when I ran it last night before I used about 4 dishes from it today.

(Kr)  I would maybe consider some sort of shot.

(Ke)  Like tequila?

(Kr)  Or penicillin.

(Ke)  You're thinking more long term.  I was just going to try to forget about it for a while.

(Kr)  How are you not a doctor?

(Ke)  I DON'T KNOW! I just think a good margarita can cure anything.

Pizza Slut

(Ke)  I've officially added Pizza Hut to my contacts.  At first I entered it Pizza Hug.  It felt appropriate.

(Kr)  Did you just order a hug?

(Ke)  I did.  I needed it.

People. People Who Read People

(Kr)  Just so you know, it's official.  It's going to be the sexiest awards season EVER!

(Ke)  Who promised the sexiness?

(Kr)  People mag.  The bible to all worshippers of nonsense. Such as myself.

(Ke)  Praise People.

(Kr)  When I lose faith and I can't seen to make sense of it all, People is there for me.  It answers the burning questions like will Kim Kardashian believe in love again and who did George Clooney prank on the set?  And once a year, when I need the big question answered, they hold up the eternal light and tell me who the sexiest man alive is.  It's how I find my center.

(Ke)  Your nougaty, nutty center.

Blood Chocahol Level

(Ke)  A hot chocolate a day keeps the doctor away.  That's how it goes, right?

(Kr)  I think it goes a hot chocolate a day keeps your skinny jeans away.  But that's just my personal experience.

(Ke)  I'm just wondering what percentage of my daily calories can come solely from hot chocolate without being considered malnourished.  Or dead.

(Kr)  I think if you did 3 a day and a half chicken breast spread out over the day you'd be fine.

(Ke)  Phew.  I'm pretty sure whip cream adds all the essential vitamins and minerals, too, so I'm good.

I Wood Love The Pasta Please

(Kr)  I'm sitting at a bar listening to a woman talk about her ailments and fasting to "jump start" herself.  Ugh.

(Ke)  I'm assuming the fast consists of a gallon jug of wine.

(Kr)  I think it's a fun fast.

(Ke)  Wonderful.  Best of luck to her.  Is she on the phone?  That's the most fun to listen to.

(Kr)  Nope.  Talking to another fun faster.

(Ke)  Where are you enjoying this conversation?

(Kr)  Gordon Biersch. I enjoyed a chicken pasta with just the right amount of toothpick in it.

(Ke)  Free pasta!

(Kr)  They brought me a new one, but I hadn't met my wood intake for the day, so it was fine.

(Ke)  You didn't have any shredded cheese I take it?

(Kr)  Oh yeah.  Dang!  Double wood intake.