Girls On Boys On Film

(Kr) I learned two important things today: 1)if you don't eat like a pig, ya won't look like a pig and 2) Duran Duran has a new video and John Taylor looks (excuse the expression) smoking' hot.

(Ke) I must Google.

(Kr) The song blows, but tight pants abound.

(Ke) I heard the song and agree. Simon LeBon needs to shed a few pounds if he wants to wear his trousers so tight.  John Taylor can do whatever he wants. I'm on board.

Can't Resist A Soul Sista

(Kr)  What doing?

(Ke)  Just finished watching a movie.  And by watching, I mean sleeping.

(Kr)  I hear that, sister girl.

(Ke)  Just going to ignore that.  Pretend it never happened.

(Kr)  It happened, sister girl.

(Ke)  You're making it hard to ignore.

Baby Poppins

(Ke)  Joe and I are going to speak solely in a Cockney accent around Bronx just to see what happens.

(Kr)  That's genius.  He'll be begging for toppins a bag in no time.

(Ke)  And he'll get none!

(Kr)  But toppins a bag . . .

(Ke)  We'll spring it on him that it was all a big joke around age 5.  He'll have a nice laugh.

(Kr)  You mean 'avin a bubble baff.

Gross. Just Gross.

(Ke)  Your job is to think of a better term for dirty or poopy diapers.

(Kr)  Dingy butt holders?

(Ke)  I actually like that better which should give you an indication of how much I hate the others.

(Kr)  Shit britches?

(Ke)  Ding ding ding.  It's good but I'm going to need you to dig deeper.

(Kr)  Brown bags.  That's from Marc.

(Ke)  Not bad for a first timer.  Just to keep You in the loop, Joe is drinking Sanka. I predict regret.

(Kr)  I like the way you capitalize "You", like I'm royalty.  I deserve that kind of respect.

(Ke)  My phone is responsible for the random capitalizations. It's apparently the boss.

(Kr)  Oh, so your phone respects me?  Good to know.

(Ke)  It doesn't know any better.  That was uncalled for.

(Kr)  What's uncalled for?

(Ke)  Saying my phone doesn't know any better.

(Kr)  Yeah.  Mean.  Chocolate trousers.  "Excuse me, I must change Bronx's chocolate trousers.  I shall return momentarily to finish our game of Canasta."

(Ke)  We might have to move to the Hamptons to use that one.

(Kr)  Just get a Hamptons summer place.  No need to commit year round.  Just use the phrase seasonally.  Brown trouser basket.  Also courtesy of Marc.  Dirty Spine Napkin.  Marc's.  Rotten eel wrapper.  Again, Marc.  Filthy bum sneeze tissue.

(Ke)  These are all great entries.

(Kr)  Yep, halfway through Must Love Cats. It's happening.

Lip Smack Attack

(Kr) Listening to strangers eat is definitely in my top 2 things I dislike doing.

(Ke)  You know mouth noises are my least favorite things

Delivedible

(Ke)  Apparently the demand for Edible Arrangements in Chandler is high enough to warrant its own van.

(Kr)  The only deliverable edible arrangement I like is pizza.

Grammy-tically Correct

(Ke)  What's going on with Xtina?  There's a problem when she's fatter then Jennifer Hudson.

(Kr)  Watching the Grammys?

(Ke)  After Justin Bieber and Usher performed, Joe looked at me, gave me a nod of approval, and said, "The Bieb sure can dance."

(Kr)  Why is he feigning disinterest?  I know he's been a fan.  I just know it.

(Ke)  Oh, he wasn't.  He's into it.

(Kr)  I've never actually known anyone with Bieber Fever before.  He should see about getting a vaccination while he's at the hospital.

(Joe)  I don't want a vaccination.

(Kr)  How about an exorcism?

(Joe)  You should find a cure for thinking creepy old washed up musicians are sexy disease.

(Ke)  Sorry, he just takes my phone.

(Kr)  John Taylor is hot.  Period.  Deal with it.  He's so passionate about the Biebs.

(Joe)  Don't post this to your blog because you will lose followers.

(Ke)  It's me again.  I don't think there's a danger in that and, yes, his passion runs deep.

(Kr)  Get to the psych ward now.

(Ke)  Jaden Smith definitely deserves to be performing at the Grammys.

(Kr)  Definitely.  He's worked so hard.  At annoying the shit out of me.

(Ke)  Bob Dylan needs a lozenge.

(Kr)  Since birth.

(Ke)  Sometimes it's time to bow out gracefully.  He missed that chance about 30 years ago.

(Kr)  Grammys aren't on here yet.

(Ke)  Oh, shit.  Sorry about that.  I guess I ruined it.  Or gave you a warning:  Bob Dylan performs.  He's unreasonably horrible.

(Kr)  How is Jakob Dylan so dreamy?

(Ke)  How's got a few good years but that Bob is creeping in.

(Kr)  Christina Aguilera is turning into Stevie Nicks in all the wrong ways.

(Ke)  If she busts out the flowing scarfs the transformation will be complete.  My crush on Eminem is back and deep as ever.

(Kr)  I just want Jennifer Hudson to stop yelling at me.

(Ke)  She can yell at me all day long as long as she doesn't act again.

(Kr)  Hallelujah, girlfriend.  Sorry, that's sister girlfriend.

(Ke)  I was going to say.  Can't I just enjoy a Grammy Awards without having to listen to Ellen K?

(Kr)  Nope.  It's in the Constitution.  What was Ricky Martin wearing?  Cellophane pants are for the bedroom, Rick.

(Ke)  I haven't seen him.  Now I have something to look forward to.

(Kr)  He introduced Lady GaGa.

(Ke)  Ah, I missed it.  Thank god for DVRs.  That Matthew Morrison segment feels like an SNL sketch.  A reeeeeal awkward one.

(Kr)  You're way ahead of me.

(Ke)  I know.  Just preparing you for embarrassment.  You'll have time to finish that sweater you've been trying to knit during Mick Jagger's performance.

(Kr)  Ugh.  A self-serving performance?

(Ke)  I have no idea.  I tuned out.  Joe "doesn't care for Streisand".

(Kr)  No straight man does.

(Ke)  What's it going to take to get Eminem to smile?

(Kr)  Tickle time?

(Ke)  I think the tickler would get punched.  Please don't do bits, Jennifer Lopez and Mark Anthony.

(Kr)  Please don't do anything, Jennifer Lopez and Mark Anthony.

(Ke)  Puff Daddy jumped on the gold teef wagon about 10 years after the fact.

(Kr)  The peacock outfit Cee Lo rocked was so slimming.

(Ke)  Sadly, I think it was.  Gwyneth Paltrow has won me over.

(Kr)  Oh, snap!  I thought that was a Muppet.

(Ke)  I thought it was Ke$ha at first.  I would have been relieved to find out it was a Muppet.

(Kr)  I'm absolutely John Mayer is moonlighting as a pirate.  Absolutely positive.  I'm not absolutely John Mayer or I'd be a rich bastard.

(Ke)  And a serious asshole.  Mommy go night night.  Love you.

(Kr)  Love you.