Living In The Lap Pool Of Luxury

(Kr)  Where are you?  Having a life?

(Ke)  Sorry, the dry wall guys were here.

(Kr)  They ruin everything.  Except walls.

(Ke)  Let's hope so.  The pool talk is back on.

(Kr)  I'm on Team Pool.  And Team Edward, for that matter.

(Ke)  They go hand in hand.  Are you Team Fiberglass or Concrete?

(Kr)  Hmmmm....dunno.  Whichever is cool and hip.  That's all I like.

(Ke)  You're clearly the authority.

Pledging Alpha Keepa Trasha

(Ke)  Joe is cleaning out the office and keeps wanting to display everything he finds in boxes.  Right now he's moping around because I didn't want to put Pepsi and 7up bottles full of seashells and sand from Mexico in the living room.  I've never seen him so down.  I had to remind him we don't live in a frat house.

(Kr)  I feel bad for him.  Can't you see how much those shells mean to him; boxed away for years, forgotten about?  But simultaneously Joe always had a passion for displaying them.  He just didn't know it until right now.   You're smashing his dream he didn't know he had.

(Ke)  That is exactly what I told him.  Needless to say, the sand is now in our backyard and the bottles in the recycling . . . with his heart.  Now he's singing John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt.  That's a sign of full recovery.

(Kr)  It could be a trick.  He's crafty.

(Ke)  Now he's looking through a box containing booklets and CDs telling him how to make millions in real estate.  The plastic is still on everything.  Didn't even crack it.

(Kr)  Guess you won't be rich.  Unless . . .

(Ke)  It's already packed back up and in the closet.

Compulsive Obsesserizing

(Ke)  Where'd you go?

(Kr)  Sorry.  In the middle of a project.  I'll tell you what it is if you don't judge me.

(Ke)  I only judge the use of the word "project".

(Kr)  It is, indeed, a project.  More in  a minute.

Minutes later . . .


(Kr)  I'm color coordinating my scarves.  And they look faaaaaabulooooous.

(Ke)  Ssssshhh . . . my scarves would get very jealous if they knew that.  They might try to tie me up and strangle me in the middle of the night.

(Kr)  I'm not a proponent of segregation, but this looks reeeeal good.

(Ke)  What kind of message are you sending your socks?  Or your underwear for that matter?

(Kr)  Look, my scarves were a jumbled mess.  They had anxiety.  I couldn't stand by and watch that.  Now I'm off to happy hour to get buzzed so I can organize the rest of my closet.

(Ke)  Let's see this work of art.

(Kr)  When I get back home.

(Ke)  Where are you going?  Are you taking one of the little guys?

(Kr)  Across the street.  I forgot a scarf here last time, so I had a buddy waiting.  Gotta pay attention to Marc now or he'll beat me.

(Ke)  I don't get the pattern.  It's very confusing.

(Kr) I can't take a picture from the front.  My closet doors won't cooperate.

(Ke)  I guess you went ahead and ripped the doors off.  It was worth it.

Ghost With The Most Manners

(Kr)  Our toilet keeps flushing itself.  If we have a ghost, I gotta say, kind of a lame haunting technique.

(Ke)  Maybe it's using the toilet.  That sounds courteous.

(Kr)  Is it pitching in for toilet paper?  The water bill?

(Ke)  Now you sound ridiculous.

Dairycising

(Ke)  I stopped by Circle K on my walk and picked up two 1-quart bottles of milk.  I thought why not, and did some curls on my way home.  I actually used groceries as dumbbells.  How Sit and be Fit am I?

(Kr)  I'm at a loss.

You Can't Make-Up This Stuff

(Kr)  I highly recommend Cover Girl Smokey Shadow Blast in copper.  It gives you a quick beauty every girl desires.  I think they should start an off-shoot of Cover Girl and call it Cover Lady.  And they should just sell brown mascara, pancake make-up, and lip moisturizer.  Not gloss.  Just moisturizer.

(Ke)  My lips would love it.  And Maybelline should be Absolutelline.  I don't want any hints of iffy-ness in my make-up.

(Kr)  Their slogan is insulting.  "Maybe she's born with it"?  Born with shimmer eyeshadow?  Sounds like a birth defect.  Maybe she's born with it, and maybe she should seek medical attention immediately.

(Ke)  Why doesn't she just say?  She knows.  Just be honest.

(Kr)  We should start a foundation for these poor girls who are "born with it".  Haven't they suffered enough?  Let's stop the taunting, Maybelline!  It's just cruel!

(Ke)   I think there is a foundation.  It's called modeling.

(Kr)  You took my joke, you bitch.  I hope your baby is "born with it".  It'll serve you right to have a gorgeous baby with shimmery eyes.

Swift Judgment

(Kr)  I had a dream the other night that I was working at the MTV Video Music Awards.  And I was backstage with Taylor Swift when she had to start singing.  She forgot the words and handed me the mic to cover.  I didn't know the words.  She got really mad at me and threw a fit.  And that's the story of how I came to dislike Taylor Swift for absolutely no reason.

(Ke)  You don't have any other reason not to like Taylor Swift?  Come on.  Think.