octogenarian.sexy

(Kr)  I keep getting emails for elderly dating sites.

(Ke)  I'm going to need to know the names of those sites.  Just out of curiosity.  Not for any particular reason.

(Kr)  I'll just forward your email to them.

(Ke)  Perfect.  I don't get enough spam.  Or dates with old people.

Yummy, Yummy, Yummy, I've Got Bunnies In My Tummy

(Kr)  Happy Easter, nerd.

(Ke)  Did you find all your eggs?

(Kr)  Yep.  Marc hid them all in the fridge.  In a carton.  It took me about 3 hours, but I figured it out.  I miss the days of eating your candy that you had stashed away.  Those were good times.  It was just sitting there.  Waiting to be eaten and you were torturing it by "saving" it.  I did it a favor.

(Ke)  You were kind of a holiday jerk face.  I secretly wished a stomach ache upon you.

(Kr)  Oh, I had plenty.  Sweet, sweet stolen chocolate gut aches.  I'd do it again, dammit.  I'd do it all again.

(Ke)  You are more than welcome to any hollow chocolate item in my past or future possession.  What a waste.  Stay the hell away from my malted milk eggs.  Those are sacred!

(Kr)  Keep your dummy malted treats.  The bunny is what I'm after.  It's the trophy of all Easter candy and I.  Shall.  Prevail!  Basically, I won Easter.

(Ke)  I hope you and your 5 pounds of milk chocolate bunny are very happy together.

(Kr)  My bangs were curled and punished by the chocolate gods.  Perhaps I should be making candy amends and not taunting you with stolen chocolate memories of Easter past.

Ke)  That would be more in the Easter spirit.  I think.  What is Easter about again?

(Kr)  I thought it was about stealing candy from you twin.

(Ke)  Then I never really got to celebrate.  Thanks for not only stealing my candy but Easter, too.

(Kr)  I said amends.  No go? This is what I looked like when I woke up. Isn't that punishment enough?

(Kr)  Also, these were on my nightstand.  I think I may have a problem. 

(Ke)  Ok.   I forgive you.  I would like to be reimbursed, though.

(Kr)  Woah, let's not get ludicrous.

(Ke)  You put yourself in this position.

Weight Losers

(Kr)  Let's have a contest.

(Ke)  Is it weight loss related?  Because I would be losing with my current meal.

(Kr)  It is.  A challenge.  I just saw my arms in bright light.  Bad.

(Ke)  Ok.  Bring it.  (Sorry about that.)

(Kr)  I need a partner.  Let's push each other.  No.  Let's.  Let's bring it.

(Ke)  Ok.  Get a baby and let's do this.  (Again, I apologize.)

(Kr)  50 push-ups and lunges a day.  100 sit ups and 45 minutes of cardio.

(Ke)  Please, challenge me.  Umm...100 sit ups, you say?

(Kr)  Yeah, any kind.

(Ke)  Ok, does puking up the 1000 calories I just ate play into this at all?

Hairy Scary

(Kr)

(Ke)  Did you get a new towel?  It looks good.  Oh, and GAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!

(Kr)  Just a little mousse hair coloring.

This Baby's Too Bellylicious

(Ke)  I don't think you're ready for this jelly.

(Kr)  You're right.  I wasn't ready.  Kiss his belly for me.

Accordi(an)ng To Me

(Ke)  I'm breastfeeding literally a foot from the guy working in our yard.  Only a very thin window, through which I can hear sweet, sweet Mexican accordion, separates us.

(Kr)  Did you dedicate your breastfeeding to him via the Mexican accordion?  Now that's class, sister girl.

What Happens In Vegas Gives Me A Headache

(Ke)  I wanna go to Vegas.

(Kr)  Me, tooooooooo.

(Ke)  Watching The Hangover.  I always feel that way during the first 15 minutes.

(Kr)  Me, too.  Then they get to the hangover part and the flashbacks roll in.

(Ke)  When they're eating breakfast by the pool all I can think about is how bright it is.  My head vicariously hurts.

(Kr)  Now I want breakfast.  This has taken a turn.  A turn for pancakes.

(Ke)  I could fuck up a waffle right now.