There Is One Substitute For A Mother's Love

(Ke)  Did Mom call you?

(Kr)  No. Why?

(Ke)  I talked to her today.  I told her you were sick. She said she was going to call you.

(Kr)  Guess she doesn't love me. That's ok.  I have my cough syrup with codeine.

Name Shame

(Kr)  Do you have an amazon code for free shipping?

(Ke)  We have Amazon prime under Joel's account.  Jose's.  What the fuck?  How's.  What the hell?!?!  Joe's.

(Kr)  Geesh. Slut.

Melts In Your Mind, Not In Your Mouth

(Kr)  Somebody was just eating a grilled cheese on t.v. and I craned my neck to get a better look.

(Ke)  What channel?  I love a good t.v. dinner.

(Kr)  Get your eyes off my virtual melty sandwich. Can't anything be just mine?

(Ke)  I'll just check Food Network. I don't need you.

Warning: This Is Only A Testes

(Kr)  

Hey, Target.  No other way to describe kid's pajamas with assorted sports balls and puppies on them? 

(Ke)  Now is that $11 per dog ball?  Because that's not half bad. 

(Kr)  I guess the testicle is always half full, according to you. 

(Ke)  Are we still talking about pajamas? 

Keep It Simple, Stupid

(Kr) 

Guess it was just too complex for the Burbank mall. 

(Ke)  Or too street.  Burbank is finicky.  But just not finicky enough to have had it in the first place. 

(Kr)  All of the tacky sequined dress shops are still in business, so that's reassuring? 

(Ke)  Phew.  Now just a quick trip to Old Town Scottsdale to pick up turquoise for every part of your body and your wardrobe is complete. 

Clap Along With The Music

(Kr)  Ke$ha really makes me feel my age.  In a way I'm really proud of.  I guess it's because I haven't vomited on myself in quite some time.  And I think Kri$ta looks ridiculous.

(Ke)  I get an $TD every time I hear her.

(Kr)  Her disco nap is my version of going to bed at a decent hour

Smooth Criminal

(Kr)  Quick drugstore tip:  Never buy the first lotion in the row.  Somebody has definitely tested the lotion consistency of the first in line.  And that somebody is most like me.

(Ke)  You owe Walgreen's $890.67. They are looking for you.  And why do they have my number?

(Kr)  I hide in open spaces.  Come and get me corporate America.

(Ke)  Tough guy.  Oh, and buy your lotion at Target.  Everyone knows those drugstore prices will get ya.

(Kr)  A) Don't tell me what to do.
         2)  Thank you for the suggestion.