Funeral Address

(Ke)  It has a good, albeit short, life.  Rest in peace.

(Kr)  Tippin' a 40 as we speak.  So gentle.  So very gentle.

(TV)Set And Spike

(Ke)  We're watching The Perfect Storm.  Mark Wahlberg's beard is kinda creepy.

(Kr)  What's that on?

(Ke)  HBO.  Oops, Spike.

(Kr)  I almost got interested in a CSI: Miami episode.

(Ke)  It can happen...to dorks.

(Kr)  I'm watching QVC and the P90X guy is on here talking about meeting people on the airplane, talking to them, signing autographs....SCREEEECH!  Autographs?  P90X guy?

(Ke)  He's on the tv and that makes him famous.

(Kr)  That being said, I may get P90X.  Five easy payments of $29.95.

(Ke)  To getcha into some shape?

(Kr)  Yeah.  Me flabby.  That might be the dark peanut butter cups talkin'.

(Ke)  They say a lot.  Apparently Spike is the channel to go to if you want to see commercials about buying money with no monetary value.  Leave me the hell alone!  Everybody needs a national park $2 bill.

(Kr)  They'll eventually be worth up to $60!

(Ke)  None of which you can spend.

(Kr)  I'm flashing forward to 3 hours from now where I'm still watching QVC.

(Ke)  Flip on over to Spike.  Clooney's not even attempting an accent.

(Kr)  I doesn't start until 11 here.  I won't be conscious. This P90X guy seriously thinks he's awesome.  Now he's talking about getting his book with his signature, like it's gold.  Now he's acting humble.  I want to kick him.

(Ke)  I'd like to see that.  That should be part of the workout.

. . . I Just Play One On The Internet

(Ke)  My whole body is fatigued.  Standing is exhausting.

(Kr)  Lie down.

(Ke)  I am.

(Kr)  Now just stay there for a month.

(Ke)  Ok.  Thanks, Kreets.

(Kr)  That's Dr. Kreets, lil' lady.

(Ke)  That's Big Lady, Dr. Kreets.

Do These Genes Make Me Look A Murderer?

(Kr)  I'm watching a Dateline involving twins.  Please, I beg of you, don't murder anyone and try to pin it on me.  Don't use our DNA against me.

(Ke)  I promise not to do that in the future.

(Kr)  But if somebody murders me, please, I beg of you, pretend to be me to avenge my death.  K?

(Ke)  I will haunt the shit out of those murderers.  But I'd prefer that you stay un-murdered.

(Kr)  That is definitely the plan, fake-ghost me.

(Ke)  I'm totally in.

Envy In 30 Minutes Or Less

(Kr)  Why must you taunt.

(Ke)  (shoulder shrug)

Veggie Lover's, Veggie Lover's, Where For Art Thou, Veggie Lover's?

(Kr)  To Pizza Hut or not to Pizza Hut?

(Ke)  To.

(Kr)  What are you having for dinner?

(Ke)  A cheese and onion pasty, broccoli and cauliflower cheese bake, and English chips at Cornish Pasty.

(Kr)  Did not see that comin'.

(Ke)  I was waiting for you to ask.

(Kr)  Marc won't Pizza Hut with me.

(Ke)  Leave him.  You'll meet someone at Pizza Hut.  Just pack a small bag and take the dogs.  Or run away with the delivery guy.

(Kr)  All good choices.

Imitation Is The Most Boring Form Of Flattery

(Kr)  I'm going to bed pretty soon.  No feel good today.

(Ke)  Ok, Kreets.  I'm tired, too.  Love you.

(Kr)  Don't try to be like me.  Find your own way, child.

(Ke)  I'm already in bed.  You're copying me.