Pathetically Apathetic

Leftoverses

Lurking In The Shadows

Car Disservice

United Partial Service

Eat Your Heart Out Of Commission

Mom And Pop Culture

Irony Is Heavy Meta

Artificially Intelligent

Jurassic Worldwind Makeover

Emojional Rollercoaster

Mail Anatomy

Uncomfortably Comfortable

Celebratory Shrapnel

(Kr) American Idol, cool it on the confetti budget. 

(Ke) Seems dangerous  

(Kr) I'm genuinely concerned about those people getting out alive. The paper cuts alone will leave hundreds mamed. 

(Ke) They don't. They're stuck in the American Idol world forever. 

(Kr) With Jennifer Lopez singing on a loop. I can think of no greater hell. 

Cart Smarts

(Kr) Curious how many times "We should have grabbed a cart" is mumbled hourly at my local Target. There must be an equation: Gallon of milk+Kleenex+tampons=one mumble. 

(Ke) You never know how many boxes of wine you'll need until you get in there. 

(Kr) If we're talkin' wine, that's multiple cart/mumble territory. 

Pedi Cure-All

(Ke) Just got reflexolojesusgodthathurts! Is that my kidney? Should I be on a transplant list?

(Kr) Oh my. Creepy foot massage place or actual professional reflexology?

(Ke) The latter. And might I add  there's no amount of oil that justifies that intense of a toweling off. May I suggest fabric softener? I'm widdled down to the dermis over here. 

Mommy Beerest

(Ke)  Bronx picked up a bottle opener and asked what it was. I told him a bottle opener and he said, "Oh, to open your beer?". So....

(Kr)  What the hell is happening over there? Did he completely forget about wine?

(Ke)  I tried to think of other things to use a bottle opener for and I couldn't. I just couldn't. 

Seasonal Affective Drink Order

(Ke)  

The cold drip from the lid of a hot drink. It sends chills up my spine. It must have a name. 

(Kr)  Cocoa sweat: The result of a delusional Phoenix resident having a hot chocolate in 85 degree "winter". 

(Ke) Hmmmm...Funny, that resembles a passive aggressive judgment, almost like you're implying the drip is somehow warranted. You bes' mind your business. 

(Kr)  You're mistaken. It's strictly an aggressive judgement. January or not, that cocoa gon' sweat. 

(Ke)  Oh, I don't get to be festive because global warming is a dick?!

Collective Brain Power Outage

(Kr)  

(Ke)  Sometimes a good mental pause is recommended before hitting send.

(Kr)  Probably related to this inquiring mind: 

(Ke)  My guess is just a few more than the author. 

Lady Cheek Boners

(Kr)   Is Daniel Dae Kim serious with those cheekbones?  They're absolute insanity.

(Ke)  God, I hope so. You're not watching Hawaii Five-0 though, right? 

(Kr)  It came on after Undercover Boss...I'm not helping my case, am I?

(Ke)  It was an unnecessary admission. A bit of a cry for help. 

(Kr)  Are you having a CBS Friday night programming intervention with me?  If so, yes to rehab. 

(Ke)  Your bags are packed. We'll leave right after Blue Bloods.