Lady Cheek Boners

(Kr)   Is Daniel Dae Kim serious with those cheekbones?  They're absolute insanity.

(Ke)  God, I hope so. You're not watching Hawaii Five-0 though, right? 

(Kr)  It came on after Undercover Boss...I'm not helping my case, am I?

(Ke)  It was an unnecessary admission. A bit of a cry for help. 

(Kr)  Are you having a CBS Friday night programming intervention with me?  If so, yes to rehab. 

(Ke)  Your bags are packed. We'll leave right after Blue Bloods. 

Protect Your Cracks

(Ke)

Practicing safe brushing? 

(Kr)  What is that grossness? I'm pro non-gadgets and free brushing, man. 

(Ke)  Your Sonicare doesn't wear a condom? It's 2014! If you get gunky discharge in your crevasses don't come crying to me. 

Cursing Up A Blue Streak

(Kr)  I was just on the phone with a representative from Blue Cross expressing my insurance frustrations. 

Me: "Pardon my French, but this whole thing is bullshit."  

Her:  "Oh no. It's fucking bullshit."

I like her. 

(Ke)  Damn! She called your bullshit and raised you a fucking. She obviously took French 102.

(Kr)  It is, after all, the language of health care.

(Ke)  Have you met your $5000 oh you be defucktible?

(Kr)  If I'm shot by a crossbow while rear ending a semi hauling flammable gas, I should just about get there. 

Impending Resolution

(Kr)


 This says it all.

(Ke)  It says there's a hangover behind that wink.

(Kr)   If you could smell my hair right now, it would tell you the tales.

Planned Parenthood

(Kr)  Never having had a baby, I have to say, if it's as hard as getting the perfect eyeliner wing, I'm out.

(Ke)  It's very similar challenge-wise but not nearly as stressful. Or time consuming. Or rewarding. 

(Kr)  I'm going to need 85% of my day for wing time, so that leaves 10% for a baby and 5% for miscellaneous/extra wing time. 

(Ke)  Time management is key so you're off to a great start. 

Waffle Waffling

(Kr)  Day 4 Of Back Injury Recovery. Status Report: Woke up. Had toaster waffle. Took Vicodin-induced nap. Woke up. Had two more waffles. Excitedly learned box is 8, not 6, waffles. Watched 5 and 1/2 episodes of Will & Grace. Thinking about next waffle. Monday ruled.
Suck it, Garfield.

(Ke)  Craving waffles I don't have at 2 am has thrown me into a jealous rage I'm not proud of.

(Kr)  My butter intake over the last 24 hours has got to be record shattering. I won't be seeing the outside world for a few days.  I'll sleep off the newly acquired fat.  Lego my ego, homie. Ya know?

(Ke)  Seems like a solid use of recovery time. How much until you're up and back to civilian life?

(Kr) Few more days.

(Ke)  So it's the spinal countdown, I guess.

(Kr)  Oh, boy. Goodbye.

The Opposite Sex

(Kr)  Add James Spader to the list of men turning into chubby middle-aged women.

(Ke)  Also on the roster: John Travolta, Val Kilmer, and, ironically, Chaz Bono. 

(Kr)  William Shatner, Tony Curtis. 

  

(Ke)  They are the grandmothers of this motley crue. 

(Kr)  Speaking of, Vince Neil.

(Ke)  Warren Beatty. Was sad to see that turn of events. 

(Kr)  New category: Skinny Middle-aged women: Paul McCartney, Mick Jagger.

(Ke)  New sub-category: Men Who Used To Be Chubby But Now Look Scary Skinny Middle-aged Women: Tom Arnold. 

(Kr)  Whatever category this would fall under:

(Ke)  Chevy Chase

(Kr)  Bill Clinton was getting there but did a serious about-face. 

(Ke)  Jay Leno

(Kr)  Star Jones

(Ke)  Dang!

(Kr)  Tom Jones

(Ke)  If we're doing a Vegas category: Wayne Newton, David Copperfield, Carrot Top!

(Kr)  Elton John, but I'm pretty sure that's intentional.

(Ke)  Tom Cruise is on my wish list. 

(Kr)  I don't know where Mickey Rourke falls but it ain't good.